17 August 2009

Upset by weather? I think not.

I dislike cold weather. Actually, dislike is not strong enough a word. Using the word hate seems overly negative; it's hard for me to hate anything. Despise, loath, deplore, execrate might be more like it. I've been waiting patiently all summer for summer, and guess what? No summer. In fact in the past month we have broken the record for having the lowest high temperature and lowest low temperature to date. Where are the 90+ degree days? Huh? I wanna know! They sure aren't here. Next thing you know I'll be having to put the sandals, shorts, t-shirts, and other summer clothes away and pull out the winter gear. It's August for Pete's sake! Bring on the heat!

OK, so I started this yesterday and realized I'm full of shit. I'm not *that* upset about the weather; although, I wouldn't mind some summer days before winter comes back and bites me in the butt.

I'm upset my daughter is growing up and is going away to college. The key words being "going away."

Wyoming road

I've heard from many folks trying to help ease my sadness that she's "only" two hours away, that she'll come home on the weekends, that this is "normal," etc. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I appreciate the words and thoughts, but it just ain't helping.

My car is my portable stereo system, and I like to jam out while on the road. The music will be blasting while I'm listening to an AC/DC, Aerosmith, Dwight Yoakum, Jimmy Buffett, or whoever CD and I'll have some sort of memory of Heather. For instance I was listening to INXS yesterday morning and the song "Baby Don't Cry" came on. I was instantly back in a Honda Civic in 1994 driving from Clovis, NM to Boulder to see Auntie Elmo and this song was playing. Looking back in the rear view mirror and seeing little 3-year old Heather jamming and bopping her head and singing along! Just a few minutes before she was fussy and was tired of being in the car and wanted to be "home," but this song comes on and she says, "Louder Mommy!" so I crank it to make-your-ears-ring loud, and we're both singing along at the top of our lungs and all is right in her world.

I will miss those moments. We had a lot of them, and oh, man, I hope we have more. But I have to accept that she is grown up, moving on, becoming an adult, and getting her own life. The lyrics are still so very relevant. I hope she knows this.

She's not "leaving" me so much as expanding, growing, finding her own path.

Glacier National Park trail

I can say that the next few weeks are going to be very hard on me, but I also know that Heather's got it a lot worse than mom. Her life is going to be turned upside down, inside out, and every which way but loose. Heather's scared, nervous, excited, all of those things we experience when we venture into the unknown. I know that she'll land on her feet, and she'll ALWAYS have me to come home to. If she wants.

I hope she does from time to time.