roller coaster ride

So, I took Heather off to college last Thursday. We get her moved in and go through the day with sporadic anxiety attacks, but nothing alarming. In fact I was relieved when at the end of the day, she sends me a text message and says we probably won't be able to meet up before I head back home because she's found one of her friends and they are doing their thing. Being me, I'm not going to just leave her there without giving her a hug and kiss goodbye. After giving me the perfunctory hug she takes off with her friend, and I head to my car - in tears. I'm glad she seems so OK with this, but I'm not sure I'm OK with this.



Friday, I get up, come home, and consciously not call, text, e-mail or otherwise try to contact Heather. I don't want to be one of those horrible "helicopter" parents that refuses to let their child become a responsible adult.

Sadly, the past few days have been very hard on my baby and she's very, very homesick. Periodically she has what she calls "breakdowns" and gets anxious and cries and feels like she's the only one feeling that way. No matter what I do to try and make her feel better, it's not working. In the span of 10 minutes I receive 4 text messages. "I don't think I can do this." "I want to be home." "I don't want to be here." and "I miss you."

Oh, what's a mom to do? There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep my baby from hurting, but I *know* Heather is capable of "doing this," and will succeed if she could just stop being homesick. There are so many tips, suggestions, ideas of what to do to help your child adjust to college, but all of them require time. I want her to be OK RIGHT NOW! not a day, a week, a month, or a semester from now.

One of our academic advisors told me a story about one of her students who had been in her office to work on some schedule snafu. The advisor notices the girl looks upset about something so the advisor asks the student if there is anything else on her mind. The girl's eyes well up with tears, and she responds, "I'm homesick." The advisor tells her this is very normal and she'll be OK and then asks her where the student is from. The student answers, "Niwot." Niwot?! Niwot is maybe a 20 minute drive from campus. This poor girl is homesick and home is only 8 miles away. Just goes to show that home is at the other end of the earth when you are on a strange campus, living with strange people in a strange room, and out of your comfort zone.

I just want my baby to be happy, safe, and comfortable. And I know she will be. Hopefully soon. Very, very soon. If not, mom's going to have her own "breakdown" and will be roaring up to Laramie to hug her baby.

Upset by weather? I think not.

I dislike cold weather. Actually, dislike is not strong enough a word. Using the word hate seems overly negative; it's hard for me to hate anything. Despise, loath, deplore, execrate might be more like it. I've been waiting patiently all summer for summer, and guess what? No summer. In fact in the past month we have broken the record for having the lowest high temperature and lowest low temperature to date. Where are the 90+ degree days? Huh? I wanna know! They sure aren't here. Next thing you know I'll be having to put the sandals, shorts, t-shirts, and other summer clothes away and pull out the winter gear. It's August for Pete's sake! Bring on the heat!


OK, so I started this yesterday and realized I'm full of shit. I'm not *that* upset about the weather; although, I wouldn't mind some summer days before winter comes back and bites me in the butt.

I'm upset my daughter is growing up and is going away to college. The key words being "going away."

Wyoming road

I've heard from many folks trying to help ease my sadness that she's "only" two hours away, that she'll come home on the weekends, that this is "normal," etc. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I appreciate the words and thoughts, but it just ain't helping.

My car is my portable stereo system, and I like to jam out while on the road. The music will be blasting while I'm listening to an AC/DC, Aerosmith, Dwight Yoakum, Jimmy Buffett, or whoever CD and I'll have some sort of memory of Heather. For instance I was listening to INXS yesterday morning and the song "Baby Don't Cry" came on. I was instantly back in a Honda Civic in 1994 driving from Clovis, NM to Boulder to see Auntie Elmo and this song was playing. Looking back in the rear view mirror and seeing little 3-year old Heather jamming and bopping her head and singing along! Just a few minutes before she was fussy and was tired of being in the car and wanted to be "home," but this song comes on and she says, "Louder Mommy!" so I crank it to make-your-ears-ring loud, and we're both singing along at the top of our lungs and all is right in her world.

I will miss those moments. We had a lot of them, and oh, man, I hope we have more. But I have to accept that she is grown up, moving on, becoming an adult, and getting her own life. The lyrics are still so very relevant. I hope she knows this.

She's not "leaving" me so much as expanding, growing, finding her own path.

Glacier National Park trail

I can say that the next few weeks are going to be very hard on me, but I also know that Heather's got it a lot worse than mom. Her life is going to be turned upside down, inside out, and every which way but loose. Heather's scared, nervous, excited, all of those things we experience when we venture into the unknown. I know that she'll land on her feet, and she'll ALWAYS have me to come home to. If she wants.

I hope she does from time to time.

enjoy it while you can

So, as all of you know, my daughter, Heather, is headed off to college next week. First I want to know where all those years went?! It's so not fair that the years have disappeared, but even if I'm not ready for my little girl to be a young adult, she is.

If I can offer you one piece of advice it would be, enjoy the time you have with your kiddos while you can.

Heather has never been anything but a joy to me. Even in the few times (all of which I can probably count on one hand) she was upset with mom for whatever reason, she wasn't the sort of person I didn't want to be around. She didn't throw herself on the floor and have temper tantrums. She didn't yell, "I hate you! I hope you get hit by a truck!" She didn't go to her room and slam her door and then throw things against the wall. Most times, I would just get "the" look and she would go off to her room to cool off by herself. Heather has raised her voice only a few times, and in most of those instances it was to give someone who was upsetting mom a piece of her mind. She's very defensive of mom, and mom is very defensive of her. We are a good team, and we look out for each other.

I'm going to miss her. A lot. When I have to leave her at her residence hall and get in my car and drive home alone, I will cry. A lot.

Working where I do, helicopter parents are a way of life. I have never been one and won't turn into one when she's on her own for the first time. As much as it pains a parent to see their child in any sort of distress; children, no wait, make that young adults, need to learn by their mistakes. That's not to say, if she calls and asks for help, advice, a shoulder, an ear, or a couple of dollars I'm going to tell her, "no," but I'm not going to tell her how, when, where, and why she needs to do whatever it is she needs to do to succeed in the grown up world. Heck, I'm hardly qualified to do that, since I'm not so sure of my own successes. Failures walk up and slap you in the face, successes tend to be more subtle.

However, I can say with great pride that Heather is my most important and obvious success. Heather is well adjusted, smart, beautiful (inside and out,) articulate, confident, and she possesses one quality that will serve her well in anything that she does, at anytime in her life – common sense. Heather will do well. I know this. But I still will miss her. A lot.