lights on. lights off. lights on. lights off.

This is a true story.

Sadly.

As I'm sitting in my office doing my work thing, one of our graduate students comes in and asks me, "Who do I contact about the lights in the hallway not working?"  Before I have a chance to respond, The Boss Man calls out from his office, "Flip the switch."  The graduate student looks at me a bit perplexed, then ventures closer to the Boss Man's door and says, "Flip the switch?  Where?"  The Boss Man says, "The switch on the wall."  The graduate student still looking mentally disoriented, replies, "What switch on what wall?  What does it look like?"

At this point, I am desperately struggling to keep it together and decide it might be prudent of me to turn around and rummage in the filing cabinet behind my desk while thinking VERY SERIOUS thoughts as to avoid the snorting noise that I fear will explode from my being at any moment.

The conversation continues with The Boss Man saying, "Come here; it looks just like this," and points to a spot on the wall just inside his office door.  The graduate students peers around the corner and sees this.

He looks very confused and says, "What?"  The Boss Man says, "Turn the lights ON!"

The graduate student still has not fully comprehended the fact that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE LIGHTS THAT A FLIP OF A SWITCH WON'T RECTIFY.

In the meantime, I am doing everything in my power to keep from 1) laughing so hard I snort coffee out my nose or 2) jump up and poke said graduate student in the forehead with a very sharp fingernail and say, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

The graduate student stammers, "I don't understand.  Where is the switch?"  The Boss Man has reached the point where he's close to 1) laughing so hard HE snorts coffee out HIS nose or 2) pokes said graduate student in the forehead with a very sharp fingernail and says, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

But being The Boss Man he's a bit more diplomatic and says very patiently, "The light switch is in the hallway."  But apparently the graduate student has never actually had to employ a light switch within the vicinity of the light(s) he would like to illuminate or darken and says, very moronically, "Which hallway?"  The Boss Man and I look at each other then simultaneously slowly turn our eyes and stare dumbfounded at the graduate student.  Momentarily the graduate student realizes that perhaps the light swtich to opearate the lights in the hallway could perhaps?  maybe?  possibly?  be in that very same hallway.

The boss man has by now decided that this kid will pay for his stupidity and says in all seriousness, "This has been a test."  And the graduate student replies very morosely, "And I have failed completely."

This is what he was looking for and I'm hoping eventually found.

No, it does not look identical to the one previously shown him by The Boss Man.  I am hoping the dual switches did not present such a quandary as to cause his brain to explode.

ocd

There are some folks out there who have referred to me as OCD.  Mostly in a joking manner.  Mostly.

I know I have issues with having a clean house.  (It's a nice house – I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.)  We can blame a lot of it on my mom.  There were times we girls were down on our hands and knees cleaning the baseboards with Q-Tips.  No, I am not kidding.  As OCD as I can be, I've never been that bad.

So, I thought I'd share some of my OCD tendencies with you.  Probably some of you have the same compulsions.  Or not.

• The toilet paper roll must always be left with fully intact new sheet all neat and tidy like.  No straggly pieces of paper can be left dangling for the next person to deal with.  Dangly pieces of toilet paper cause the weight of the roll to be off balance and could cause undue stress on the roll holder, which leads to undue stress on the wall, which means the wall could fall off the house.  Or something.

 even I'm not *that* obsessive

• When the blinds are closed they must be straight and the entire bottom must touch the window sill.  No wonky, off kilter blinds are allowed.  Wonky or off kilter blinds have the same effect as dangly toilet paper.  Walls fall off houses.  Or something.

• When leaving the laundry room, the light switch next to the door entering the house (as opposed to the switch next to the door going into the garage) must be in a position to match the light's state.  If the light is on, the switch must be in the up, or "on" position; if the light is off the switch must be in the down, or "off" position.  If the switch is not in the proper position, when switched on or off, the light will become confused and get all strobe-y on me which could lead to seizures.  Or something.

• Books in the book cases are sorted tallest to shortest working from the outside of the case to the inside.  There really aren't any dire consequences of this that I'm aware of; it just "is."  Or something.

There are probably many more but I'm not going to obsess about remembering them.  There are folks out there who will only be too happy to remind me of them.  Probably on a recurring basis too.

a year's worth of reflection

Whoa!  Another year almost gone.

Do you remember when your parents told you, "Just you wait, when you get older time will fly by!"  And you thought they were full of it?  I do.  Why are parents always right?

Anywhoooo that was not the point of this post.  Actually I thought I would make a list of things I learned this past year.  Some are life lessons, some are trivia, some are self revelations, and some are just cause I can.  Ha!

So let the review session begin!

• Even the smallest, teeniest, tiniest bite of KFC chicken will wreak havoc on a large dog's digestive system.  This will require the replacement of rugs.  On our next picnic we will be sure to take dog treats.

• The generalization that car dealerships are only out to screw you and try to fix things that aren't broken and not fix things that are so you have to keep going back are true.  Find a reputable mechanic not associated with a dealership.  You'll be much happier.  Trust me on this.

• Stop signs, stop lights, turn signals, and using the left lane strictly for passing applies only to me.  Everyone else is exempt, including bicycles.  Feel free to read, text, eat, nap, etc. while driving.  I'll do my best to avoid colliding with you, but not as a favor to you.  I just don't want my day jacked up.  Be forewarned, if I buy a "beater" car all bets are off and it'll be demolition derby time.  BOOGIDY BOOGIDY BOOGIDY!

• Even though my daughter is a "grown up" by society's standards, she will always be my "little one" and I will always be in "mom" mode.  Sorry Heather but that's just the way it is.

• A person may occupy a certain position (as in job), but that does not mean they deserve to.

• We need to do more camping and not let the summer get away with us.

• Sometimes you just gotta let it go.  However letting go, isn't the same as forgetting and if negative actions are repeated, it may result in consequences.

• There will always be idiots in Yellowstone National Park begging to be proof of Darwin's theory Survival of the Fittest.  Anyone for cruising through a herd of bison during rut in a small convertible car that makes a low pitched rumbling sound when accelerating?  How about running up to a grizzly sow and her two cubs and sticking a camera in their faces?  Why not go off the boardwalk and stroll up to a thermal feature and lean over and stick your head in for a better look?

• Lindsay Lohan is a drunken reprobate.  Mel Gibson, Paris Hilton, Tiger Woods, and Jesse James aren't much better.

• A town in Colorado has an annual festival celebrating a headless chicken.  Maybe I'll go next year.  I hear they serve fried chicken.  The dogs will be disappointed they won't be offered any.  The carpets will be happy about that.

• Disney's Tower of Terror really isn't fun.  Rockin' Roller Coaster, Space Mountain, Primeval Whirl, and Expedition Everest are fun.

• I should have made better attempts in the past to go to Jimmy Buffett shows.  This will be rectified.

• I would rather have a few close friends than a boatload of superficial friends.

• When renting a car, go for a mid size or larger if you want to get up to highway speeds within an hour of entering the highway.  During a trip to Arizona over the summer, I went cheap and got a "compact" car.  It was basically a roller skate with a gas tank.  While we didn't get anywhere very fast, Heather and I did laugh a lot at how ludicrous it was to even refer to what we rented as a "car."

• It is not necessary, and in fact is very annoying, to use the word "like" and the question "you know?" every other word during the course of a conversation.   Like If I like knew, I wouldn't be like, asking, like you know?

• I really do like my job and my boss.

• Having dogs really does change your lifestyle and habits.  No last minute weekend getaways for me, but that's OK.  I love The Girls and wouldn't change a thing.  Well maybe I'd change the whole chicken/carpet thing.

• Snorting while laughing in public only makes you laugh harder.  And it's exacerbated by the type of food or drink you are consuming at the time.  Snorting carbonated beverages hurts.  A lot.

worldess wednesday

wordless wednesday

i mess with texas

As many of you know I am not a big fan of Texas.  For many reasons.  Many, many reasons. Including but not limited to:

1) Bush 2) His son Shrub 3) My trailer trash ex-step-family


Now, having said that, I realize not all Texans are jerks or bigots or trailer trash or the village idiot or loud with BIG hair and any number of other Texas stereotypes.  I have friends that live in Texas.  I used to live in Texas.  I have even spent precious vacation time and dollars in Texas. 

But for the most part, if the state of Texas decided to secede from the good ol' U.S. of A. it wouldn't hurt my feelings in the least.  If they seriously tried to do this, I might even consider donating $$ to their cause.

For years and years Texas has had a no litter campaign with signs up and down their roads that tell drivers, "Don't Mess With Texas."  I'm not sure how successful a campaign it is, but many Texans take it to another level and it means so much more to them than trying to deter their fellow yahoos from chucking their empty beer cans out their pickup windows as they weave up and down the long, lonely, Texas roads.

After the trailer trash ex-step-family incident, I was inspired to create a bumper sticker and some magnets on the Zazzle website for Heather and myself.

My bumper sticker is proudly displayed just beneath my license plate.  I've passed many Texans while driving but hadn't noticed any reactions one way or the other, which is fine.  It's more for my benefit than theirs.  No reactions that is until this past Monday as I was leaving work.

At an intersection leaving campus I was stopped at a red light when a Chevy Suburban pulled up behind me and parked itself practically in my back seat.  In the rear view mirror I could see it was some college aged kid and chalked it up to "not being an experienced enough driver to know to stop further back."  The light changed to green and I pulled out into the intersection.  At this point the kid behind me whips out from behind me and pulls alongside me and flips me the bird.  I quickly mentally go through the drive from my parking lot to that particular intersection and can't come up with anything that could have provoked such a display.  In fact, I hadn't seen this particular car at all before the driver decided to kiss the ass of my car with his.

I gave the universal "WTF did I do?!" arm gesture as he roared past me, his bird still flying high and proud.  Then I noticed the kid's license plate.

Texas.

I laughed out loud.

As I got to the next intersection the light changed to red and I saw the Texas Birdman in the left hand turn lane.  He had his passenger window down so I pulled up alongside of him, gave him my biggest smile and said, "And you, Bubba, are a prime example of why I do what I do."

Wordless Wednesday - Corona Kitteh